Cannabis is currently listed as a Schedule I narcotic, meaning the U.S. government finds it acutely dangerous and addictive, with no known medical use. (Never mind that they patented it for its known medical use.) This was done in 1970 by a bunch of fearmongering politicians with a definite agenda. The general consensus more than 45 years later among the educated who are not beholden to the pharmedical establishment is that cannabis is not physically addictive, not dangerous, and confers numerous and significant medical benefits that make its use as medicine entirely legitimate.
The government in the 19th century agreed. Cannabis was considered highly beneficial and could be purchased in almost every apothecary and pharmacy across the nation from 1850 to 1915. In all of recorded history, cannabis is responsible for zero deaths by overdose. So, since we are facing an uphill battle to have cannabis legalized and removed from the DEA schedule, here are 10 things more likely to kill you than herb in the U.S.:
- The cold. Not the common cold, but extreme cold temperatures. Hypothermia is a very real risk, and about 600 people die each year from exposure in winter—some because they venture outside unprepared, others because they can’t afford to pay for heat.
- Beds. Yes, going to bed can be dangerous for those with heart issues, sleep apnea, or who happen to have a house situated on a sinkhole. But did you know that 450 deaths per year are caused by falling out of bed?
- Ladders. It’s considered bad luck to walk under one, to be sure. And the logic is solid. Something or someone could fall from a ladder and land on you. About 355 deaths each year can be attributed to an accident involving a ladder.
- Wind. No, not the after-lunch type. The chinook or zephyr type. Annually, 104 Americans suffer a death directly linked to wind—and not just hang-gliding or kite-surfing daredevils, or people dying in sailing or windsurfing accidents. These are regular folks walking along, minding their own business, being swept off their feet, off a cliff or tall structure.
- Bees. Bees make honey, and for that reason alone they should “bee” spared persecution. They’re also a vital part of our ecosystem. They’re necessary for pollinating plants and provide an excellent source of protein for birds, spiders, and other predators that don’t mind a spicy little sting with their food. But compared to cannabis, the lethality of bees should have them on the U.S. government watch list for the 100 deaths they cause annually.
- Dogs. Man’s best friend. Fido, Spot, or Rover could cause someone to buy the farm. About 30 deaths each year can be attributed to canines. Although canines and cannabis both begin with the same three letters, there the similarity ends. For example, buds never bite, drool, chew your stuff, pee on the floor, or get jealous if you play with other buds.
- Horses. Not be outdone by their smaller and usually furrier friends, horses are a real danger to humans who are nearby or perched upon them. City folk are likely out of danger, but if you visit a dude ranch, you’d better keep your wits about you. You could end up one of the 20 Americans annually who expire due to an equine accidents. (We’re pretty sure they’re accidents, anyway—most horses don’t mean us any harm, even after we shove a metal bar between their teeth and then ride around on their backs, telling them what to do.)
- Cows. If you’re vegan, well, you’ll understand this. And if you or a loved one is lactose-intolerant, this will make sense to you, too. Dairy and beef cows are responsible for an average of 20 deaths every year. And that statistic doesn’t even account for excessive cheeseburger ingestion. The animals are far more dangerous when you consider the heart attacks and choking emergencies they make us have.
- Icicles. These are beautiful, and they make for great fun solving murder mysteries when no weapon can be found. And, as those solutions prove, they also can be cold-blooded killers: About 15 people per year are annihilated by falling icicles.
- Selfies. A relatively new phenomenon, thanks in large part to everyone now having a digital camera in their phone and seemingly unlimited time to take and retake those selfies. Due to the idiocy of people who do it in traffic or close to a cliff’s edge, among other inane places, death by selfie is one of the weirdest and fastest-growing ways to die. And selfies are also way more likely to kill you than cannabis—every year, about 15 of us find out the hard way.
At MagicalButter.com we believe that adults should have restored to them their right to consume cannabis at their discretion. We also believe that inhaling hydrocarbons may be detrimental to your health. As almost any cannoisseur can attest, even vaping can irritate breathing passages, leading to violent coughing spasms.
So, why not give your throat and lungs a rest, and try an edible or medible? We know just the machine to let you make fantastic infused dishes in the comfort of your own home, automatically, with just the push of a button! The Botanical Extractor™ is the world’s first and only award-winning herbal infuser for home use.
We also recommend that you use the brain cells in your head. Never provide non-medical cannabis to anyone under 21, consume herb and drive or operate heavy machinery, or give cannabis edibles to someone who doesn’t know what they are about to consume. We also strongly recommend, if you consume cannabis (assuming it’s legal where you live), that you get out and enjoy the rest of what nature has to offer.
Just remain wary around dogs, horses, cows, bees, wind, icicles, beds, ladders, and smartphones. It’s a mad world, and we want you safe, healthy, and happy!
Have you or a loved one had a close call with something deadlier than cannabis? Tell us about it in the comments section below!